The entire point of this blog is to kick myself in the ass when I get down and so I guess that makes this page the most important of them all. These are all the reasons you give yourself to discourage yourself from ever trying again. The sad part is that they always work and then you’re always pissed about it. Stop that. These are your reasons why.
“But I’m too tired/lethargic…. maybe I’ll just do it later. Yeah. Later.”
Hey. Genius. You’re always fucking lazy. It’s basically your nature. If you were the embodiment of a deadly sin, it would be Sloth. Stop using that as a baby blanket. You always regret that choice a couple hours later but you still keep doing it. You are a logical person, at heart. You know for a fact that nothing gets done or accomplished on first try. You know that you have to do something over and over again to get good at it. You’re probably not gonna be the type of person who winds up being an instant genius at something so try working at something for longer than 24 hours before you decide you’re not worthy and give up because laziness takes hold.
“It will take too long. I want results now.”
So does the rest of the world. Everybody is looking for right now solutions but the world doesn’t work that way. Besides, think of the things you’re already pretty decent at – writing and web design. How long have you been working at those? Do you clearly remember how you used to make websites? Through old, clunky Free Web servers with a ton of ads back in dial up days? How you didn’t know a thing about direct linking or how you would have to use MS Paint to make any sort of graphics? Do you remember iFrames? And what about writing? You have been doing that for years. Do you remember the stuff you used to write when you were in elementary/middle school and teachers used to tell you that was good? That stuff was garbage compared to what you have learned now. Imagine how much you could improve those old stories if you wrote them now. How you could do them justice. How about that first ever Beyblade fanfiction? Don’t make that face. You know the one. We keep it on that long forgotten account JUST so you can see how much you have improved over the years. Do you remember the spelling? The grammer (bad spelling intended)? The way you used to continuously flip between French and English without realising it? And those descriptions? What on earth were you thinking? Well, remember that at that time, you thought you were doing pretty good. You thought that you were pulling along with the best of your ability. That is no longer your best ability and those two hobbies took at least ten years each. Now they’re things you are actually proud to show people. Now imagine that with all your hobbies. It’s a pretty sweet image, isn’t it?
“Is it really going to be that beneficial?”
Well, let’s look at the facts. What are your current interests? Take a look around your room. Those posters, those craft boxes, those books, those million notebooks, those ball jointed dolls are the things you currently love right now. And where do most of those things come from? Japan. You know that learning Japanese, no matter how long it takes, will be great for you. You’ll be able to indulge in a culture that has always taken ahold of you. Don’t think about the practical application. That’ll only distract from the goal. Sure, you probably won’t use Japanese in every day life living in Canada but you have no idea where you’re going to wind up, what will interest you next and who you might meet in the future. Keep at it – you’re gonna love yourself so much when you’ve learned it.
“But what if I just embarrass myself in front of native speakers… I’ll be that weird foreign woman…”
That’s just the nature of learning a new language. You used to be really proficient in French but you have lost it over the years. You used to be able to have full and extensive conversations with people in a language that wasn’t your mother tongue and you got along great. When you got something wrong, they corrected you and you learned from that experience. That’s how languages work. You can only learn so much on the page or from a textbook. You need to actually talk to people to truly get a grasp for every day conversation. It’s scary, oh it’s definitely scary, but you know you’ll be better off. Learning a new language opens up a whole new door of possibility.
“It’s not going to matter in the end. I’ll die eventually.”
How your personal existential crisis always gets in the way of doing new things, you don’t even know yourself. It’s a fear and fears are irrational. Yeah, eventually everyone is going to die. It’s a fact of life. It’s unavoidable and you shouldn’t let that stop you from doing things that make you happy. If this really is your one and only life, do you want to be laying on your deathbed, thinking ‘Damn, I really wish I had finished that…‘. No. You want to get to the end zone and think to yourself, ‘You know what? I had a good run.‘. It comes back to the worry that it takes too long. You made it to 24 – you gained a lot of writing and web design knowledge within that time. What’s to dictate what you’ll know in ten years more? You. You’re the only one who can learn these things and please yourself. Do it for you. Do it for future you. Do it for the years that you’re scared to think about. You’ll be better off and you’ll be happy. That’s the entire goal of this blog, isn’t it? To get you back on track and teach yourself how to be happy for you and only you. You can do it, current self. Go for it.